Discussing
Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Amy Adair

David Ker
February 15, 2010

Wow! Great writing. Amy, welcome!

Brett Barner
February 15, 2010

Welcome Amy! Looking forward to reading more of your writings. Sometimes not saying anything and walking away is the best possible thing to do. <br><br>This also does remind me to not be so quick to judge when I see someone doing something disruptive. I don't know their story either. Possible best thing to do when you're on the other side: Walk away and not say anything, or if you see a need to meet it. Even if that means you won't get a kind smile and "thank you".

Jaycee
February 15, 2010

Actions speak louder than words, sometimes not saying anything also helps the situation like you did. As angry as the woman seemed, sticking up for your kids probably won't have helped.<br><br>Yes, as Christians we have to learn how to respond the way Jesus would have responded were He in the same situation, that's what it means to be truely "Christ-like."

Mommatheis
February 15, 2010

Whenever I encounter a situation like that, I apologize (even if I am not wrong) and ask them if they are okay...you seem upset, I would love to pray for you. I have never had a bad response back...people always catch themselves and realize how they are acting. I almost always hear the truth of whats going on and am able to pray for them. I am sure one day I will get a rude response back, but its worth letting them know you care...

Moe_NYC
February 16, 2010

Sounds like you live in New York City (hey, I live there!). Kidding aside, there have been many situations where we are confronted with difficult choices. Sometimes we are innocently involved in situations where we are not at fault and have the "right" to lash out at certain individual(s). But as you mentioned, we have many eyes on us. As a father of both a 3 year old boy and a 6 year old girl, I want to lead them to behave in a way that is first godly and second correct. It's not worth getting involved into a shouting match with people. Sometimes "peace, be still" is the best medicine!

Sistersharonblcl
February 17, 2010

Hello and welcome amy you just a vessle that god uses and uses well because you obey what god say's i'm please the you have joined the community to spread the love that god has laid on your heart to share and congrat on you adoption. God love you so much that he chose you to do his will in god grace amen

Sistersharonblcl
February 17, 2010

I say this amy as this was so touching for me that i will apologize to you for her as the devil uses whom ever he can to deceive to attack a child of god but it is up to us how we respones to satan trap i think my god is just tickle right now because you had to have put on the whole armor of god to with stand what you had been through right now i no my god is saying to you well done amy as he got the glory out of this not her may god graud your heart and mind and protect you from the seen and unseen of the ulgyness of this world cause i can't lie i do not know what i would have done or said and i know with out a doubt i need his daily walk every day in jesus name amen sister amy cause you belong to him.

James
February 17, 2010

Wow! You are to be commended for taking all of those different perspectives into consideration, before re-acting to what could have turned into a worse situation. I believe it was important that your children did not see you react, or that may have made them feel threatened by what was going on. <br>On the other hand without the children something definitely could have been said in defense to the womans ignorance. It could have even been something nice or sarcastic, but it would have probably cooled her head. We find different ways to cry out for attention as adults, which is hard to explain of how we are not acting like children.

Heidifogle
February 18, 2010

I would guess this woman is nearly out of control. Not responding was wise. You could have encouraged an escalation that might have become dangerous. As a Fighter, I sometimes react before thinking, but not often when it's a "bully" situation. I've learned that doing nothing is safest for all concerned. I would have left in a hurry, too. I often pray silently when I observe people that are close to losing it. The victims are usually innocents. That's why I never engage them in conversation when someone else could get hurt. Your kids are probably fortunate that you did not respond.

Sistersharonblcl
February 18, 2010

wow i like that could have not put that in better words my way to go congrat.

Sistersharonblcl
February 18, 2010

i agree as the kids safety does come frist with out a doubt good point made.

Jcarpenter
February 19, 2010

Situations like this are hard to call: just walking away reinforces the other's negative behavior, and she/he will continue to act that way in public; confrontation doesn't bring a guarantee of apology or changed behavior, but often brings escalation of the situation. Little ones are included, yours and hers; what's best for them immediately and long-term probably should take priority. That being said, that mom needed help---<br>could a non-confrontative statement have been made, instead of silence and retreat? "I'm so sorry---is everything all right?" "We're all tired and frazzled---can I help you do anything?" "My kids _are nuts---they drive me crazy" then ask about the baby . . .<br>BUT---hard to come up with cool dispassionate words; defense, anger, retreat is our instinct, our brokenness. Blessed are the peacemakers, the pure in heart, the compassionate---but it's hard to get to that place.<br>A similar situation occured with my wife and I while at a public park; my instinct was defense; the remarks were made to my wife---I was even ignored. I intervened, didn't quite say "from under which rock did you just crawl?" but what I did say was still ignored as the verbal attack was levied toward my wife. God bless her, she kept calm and said as much to deflect and diffuse the woman's anger; the woman had two young girls with her who looked confused and afraid by the scene. That woman needed help; we were the convenient outlet for her frustration and anger. I fretted and stewed all day replaying the incident---what else I could have said or done; what would become of the girls---but my wife was able to give it up: "she wasn't angry at us personally; I hope she gets the help she needs." <br>The protective male in me worries about confrontations, though---the escalation, the circling car, does the person have a weapon, etc---all enters into the immediacy of the situation. "Go with your gut"---but is my gut reaction from grace or from the fall?

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